Chivalry is NOT Dead! At least not yet…

Posted by Matt on February 18th, 2009 filed in Boundaries, Leadership, Manners, Marriage, Parenting, Respect, relationships

The definition of chivalry according to wikipedia is classified in three ways:

1. Duties to countrymen and fellow Christians: this contains virtues such as mercy, courage, valor, fairness, protection of the weak and the poor, and in the servant-hood of the knight to his lord. This also brings with it the idea of being willing to give one’s life for another’s; whether he would be giving his life for a poor man or his lord.
2. Duties to God: this would contain being faithful to God, protecting the innocent, being faithful to the church, being the champion of good against evil, being generous and obeying God above the feudal lord.
3. Duties to women: this is probably the most familiar aspect of chivalry. This would contain what is often called courtly love, the idea that the knight is to serve a lady, and after her all other ladies. Most especially in this category is a general gentleness and graciousness to all women.

Today, I want to deal with the last one.  Duties to women.  Why is it that men who treat a woman right is the exception and not the norm?  When did we, men, decide to forget our knightly roots of being gentlemen to the ladies?  I think that media (film, music, tv) has pushed the idea that women will pick the bad boys overs gentlemen every time.  These same mediums have also pushed that women just want to kick every man’s butt and so men get intimidated now-a-days.

When I was in elementary and middle school, the girls seemed to go out with all the guys that were frankly jerks, bullies, or jocks.  The kicker was that they would treat them like crap.  Whether it was cheating on them, yelling at them, not opening their doors, etc, somehow the girl would still stick with him.  Why?  It definitely started to skew my view on if being a gentleman was worth it.  Shoot, Grease the movie showed how Danny(John Travolta)-bad boy- was too embarrassed to show his true feeling for Sandy until she changed.  What was wrong with her?  Sandy was willing to change her good ways to get a guy that treated her like crap????  What??? Then in Grease II, the guy(don’t know his name) cannot get the girl( Michelle Pheifer) to like him until he turns to a bad boy on a bike.  But Frenchie’s cousin Michael was just an English gentleman that was a nice guy but not a “cool” guy.

Ladies, do you really not want a man that cares about you from the inside out?  A guy that brings you flowers, let’s you go first, cares about what you think, and wants to protect you?  I know that the feminist movement has derailed a lot of this along with our culture and music.  Is it really worth it I wonder.

It is high time for men to take their knightly roles again.  It is upon us fathers to teach our young men to do the same.  I mean when I was growing up, my father made sure to drill into me that boys(men) were to go out of their way to take care of the girls (women)… ones you know and even the ones you do not know.  For instance, if we were walking into a store or church, he taught me to be sure to get to the door first and open it for my sister and mom.  He even taught me that if another lady was close by to hold it open for her.

My son, Matthias, is only 2 years old but he is already opening and closing the door for his mommy, sisters, and aunts.  The old saying is true… it is all in how you raise them.  Men, teach your boys to be true gentlemen.  Women, help your men to be gentlemen by encouraging their chivalry.  Don’t say ” I can get it myself”.  Allow his knightly genes to kick in.

I am not the only one that believes Chivalry is NOT dead.  There are still teachers and schools that teach true manners to the young.  One great school is Augustine Christian Academy in Tulsa. They are a classical Christian school where the young men are actually taught chivalry from PreK forward.  If you are looking for an amazing school, give them a call!  There are other bloggers like Brett McKay, whose blog Art of Manliness, really hits this discussion everyday.  My friend, Brian, whose has a great food blog called Tulsa Food Blog, is a young man that was taught by his father to send a lady roses, open their doors, and to cherish them.  There is still hope out there ladies.  There are still great gentlemen to be had.

Guys, do not stop buying the flowers, opening the doors, and all that great chivalry just because she married you.  Let those instincts inside of you to rebirth the knight that lies within…

More to come on this subject….